Janus

the book of my life has two faces
and if you look between the lines at the spaces
you will see all the places
that contain the traces
of the me that i prefer to remain unseen,
the parts of me that are unclean,
that belie the perfection that i display.
those traces long to say
to shout or declare
that the face you see is just a mask that i wear
to cover the one that is deformed
caused by living a life secretly conformed
to the desires of the sin
that lies within
the very core of me
and sadly, there is more of me
than ought to be
in those spaces
that contain the traces
of my two faces.
what i wouldn't give to be reconciled
as one holy child
of the Father
instead of being torn between the one and the other
wanting to live a life upright,
but constantly having to fight
my evil side,
the one i try to hide
from public view.
and though there be few
who
are privy to
my duplicity
it still worries me
that someone might see
the other me
in a tiny space
that contains a trace
of my true face.

© soledad evans (2007)