to "certain someone"

i'm tired. just plain spent. it is exhausting fighting a losing battle, struggling to hold on to something i never really had in the first place. you. you said you loved me and i believed you. but i never really had your love, did i? i've always known it, but i let myself believe what you said because that's what i wanted. and in a way, i don't blame you. you didn't know you were lying. you really thought you loved me...and who knows maybe you do. but the point is that you can't love me like i deserve to be loved.

so i'm going to open my hand and realise that my tight fist held only air...not you. never you.

at least you have the assurance of knowing something that i only ever hoped to be true...you always had me.