earning ten points (a play in one act)
me - haydn rhys
advising friend - k20
pw - proprietor of barber shop
Scene 1
(me in car, stuck in afternoon rush hour traffic, heading towards the barbershop, which is located in the opposite direction of home)
me: i think i will go to the barber shop...i mean, what is the worst that could happen? (thinking: he could say get out of my face you great, ugly waste of flesh!) nah...maybe i shouldn't go.
(me picks up phone and calls advising friend)
advising friend: hello?
me: okay, so i'm on my way to the barbershop...
advising friend: that's great. so you're gonna give him your number?
me: allegedly. but i have changed my mind about a million times already.
advising friend: just do it! what's the worst that could happen?
me: (pauses and remembers previous thought) well--
advising friend: just do it! walk in and say, "hi, i saw you in the parking lot yesterday and you know if you're unattached at the moment here's my number give me a call sometime." then turn around and walk out.
me: you're gonna have to be on the phone with me when i do this...you know that, right?
advising friend: you can't walk in there with the phone to your ear.
me: no, i meant just be there on speaker. that way if i know you're there i will be so scared of you calling me a punk that i will have to do it.
advising friend: okay.
(me reaches the parking lot where pw's shop is located.)
me: oh my gosh! i think i see his truck. and there's people in the barbershop. okay, i'm going in.
advising friend: okay. let me know what happens.
(advising friend hangs up. me looks at phone and thinks: wasn't she supposed to stay with me?!)
Scene 2
(me opens the door to the barbershop, sees other patrons and barbers. also sees pw in the front trimming a young man's head.)
me: (voice shaking) um, hi.
pw: hi, how are you?
me: fine, thanks.
pw: can i help you?
me: um, i was just getting a card. and i was going to ask if you trimmed kids because my nephew needs a new barber, but as there are kids here, i will assume the answer is yes.
pw: (laughing and nodding his head) yeah, we do.
me: (looking at card) p's place? so you're p?
pw: yeah.
me: cool. okay, bye.
(me quickly exits)
Scene 3
me: i'm such a punk!
advising friend: (laughing) what?
me: i'm such a punk!
advising friend: aw man. i just knew that you went in there said what you had to say, handed him your number, turned on your heel, flashed your weave and sashayed outta there.
me: um, have we met? how could you possibly think that i would have done that? there were so many people in there. i did get his card, though.
advising friend: okay, how about you go back when the shop is closed, but he's still there. less pressure.
me: okay.
Scene 4
(me is pacing back and forth on the sidewalk in front of p's place)
me: okay, there are still a ton of folks in there!
advising friend: can he see you lurking outside the window?
me: no, i don't think so.
advising friend: okay, well just go in and hand him your number and walk back out.
me: um, can't i just call him? i have his business card.
advising friend: okay, do that and call me right back.
(advising friend hangs up and me dials the shop number).
pw: hello?
me: hello, good evening, may i speak with pw, please?
pw: who's calling?
me: um, you don't know me. i was in there a few minutes ago. i picked up a card and said i had a nephew who needed a haircut.
pw: oh yeah. yes, ma'am.
me: (speaking almost faster than the human mind can process language) okay, so here's the thing. i don't really have a nephew. the truth is that i got my nails done at the nail salon next door to your shop yesterday. as i was leaving i saw you in the parking lot and thought you looked intriguing, so i came back today to talk to you and inquire as to whether you were attached or unattached. and if unattached, i would give you my number so we could talk some time. but there were a lot of people in there so i lost my nerve.
pw: oh...wow. thank you so much, but, um, i'm...engaged.
me: (obviously disappointed) oh. cool. (hastily adding) well, have a good day.
(me hangs up.)
Scene 5
(me in her car again stuck in afternoon rush hour traffic, but this time on her way home.)
me: (sighing) he's engaged.
advising friend: really?
me: yeah. but i did call, right?
advising friend: yes, you did. you get ten points...
EL FIN
advising friend - k20
pw - proprietor of barber shop
Scene 1
(me in car, stuck in afternoon rush hour traffic, heading towards the barbershop, which is located in the opposite direction of home)
me: i think i will go to the barber shop...i mean, what is the worst that could happen? (thinking: he could say get out of my face you great, ugly waste of flesh!) nah...maybe i shouldn't go.
(me picks up phone and calls advising friend)
advising friend: hello?
me: okay, so i'm on my way to the barbershop...
advising friend: that's great. so you're gonna give him your number?
me: allegedly. but i have changed my mind about a million times already.
advising friend: just do it! what's the worst that could happen?
me: (pauses and remembers previous thought) well--
advising friend: just do it! walk in and say, "hi, i saw you in the parking lot yesterday and you know if you're unattached at the moment here's my number give me a call sometime." then turn around and walk out.
me: you're gonna have to be on the phone with me when i do this...you know that, right?
advising friend: you can't walk in there with the phone to your ear.
me: no, i meant just be there on speaker. that way if i know you're there i will be so scared of you calling me a punk that i will have to do it.
advising friend: okay.
(me reaches the parking lot where pw's shop is located.)
me: oh my gosh! i think i see his truck. and there's people in the barbershop. okay, i'm going in.
advising friend: okay. let me know what happens.
(advising friend hangs up. me looks at phone and thinks: wasn't she supposed to stay with me?!)
Scene 2
(me opens the door to the barbershop, sees other patrons and barbers. also sees pw in the front trimming a young man's head.)
me: (voice shaking) um, hi.
pw: hi, how are you?
me: fine, thanks.
pw: can i help you?
me: um, i was just getting a card. and i was going to ask if you trimmed kids because my nephew needs a new barber, but as there are kids here, i will assume the answer is yes.
pw: (laughing and nodding his head) yeah, we do.
me: (looking at card) p's place? so you're p?
pw: yeah.
me: cool. okay, bye.
(me quickly exits)
Scene 3
me: i'm such a punk!
advising friend: (laughing) what?
me: i'm such a punk!
advising friend: aw man. i just knew that you went in there said what you had to say, handed him your number, turned on your heel, flashed your weave and sashayed outta there.
me: um, have we met? how could you possibly think that i would have done that? there were so many people in there. i did get his card, though.
advising friend: okay, how about you go back when the shop is closed, but he's still there. less pressure.
me: okay.
Scene 4
(me is pacing back and forth on the sidewalk in front of p's place)
me: okay, there are still a ton of folks in there!
advising friend: can he see you lurking outside the window?
me: no, i don't think so.
advising friend: okay, well just go in and hand him your number and walk back out.
me: um, can't i just call him? i have his business card.
advising friend: okay, do that and call me right back.
(advising friend hangs up and me dials the shop number).
pw: hello?
me: hello, good evening, may i speak with pw, please?
pw: who's calling?
me: um, you don't know me. i was in there a few minutes ago. i picked up a card and said i had a nephew who needed a haircut.
pw: oh yeah. yes, ma'am.
me: (speaking almost faster than the human mind can process language) okay, so here's the thing. i don't really have a nephew. the truth is that i got my nails done at the nail salon next door to your shop yesterday. as i was leaving i saw you in the parking lot and thought you looked intriguing, so i came back today to talk to you and inquire as to whether you were attached or unattached. and if unattached, i would give you my number so we could talk some time. but there were a lot of people in there so i lost my nerve.
pw: oh...wow. thank you so much, but, um, i'm...engaged.
me: (obviously disappointed) oh. cool. (hastily adding) well, have a good day.
(me hangs up.)
Scene 5
(me in her car again stuck in afternoon rush hour traffic, but this time on her way home.)
me: (sighing) he's engaged.
advising friend: really?
me: yeah. but i did call, right?
advising friend: yes, you did. you get ten points...
EL FIN
posted by Haydn Rhys | 9:36 AM
4 Comments:
I like this! It is really good, exceptional even. Did you really do that because if you didn't IRS will take your ten points back after an arduous and shameful audit.
ladies and gentlemen, unveiling is my baby sister...and she is freakin' HILARIOUS....
anyhoo, sissy, the answer is yes, i really did do that. but in the interest of avoiding a shameful audit (as well as mortifying appearance on oprah) the events of "earning ten points" have been altered a little for entertainment purposes. but k20 will verify that the telling of the story is very near to the actual way of it. the parts where me and pw were in conversation are accurate (unfortunately!)
~haydn rhys
earning ten points takes skill and know how especially if the previous encounter w/ pw was hadyn rhys ducking her head and ignoring him completely...hadyn is coming into her own :)
i neither admit or verify that i was the actual advising friend in the aforeposted play. lol.
you do realize that you are insane, don't you? i love this. and yes, you have truly earned 10 points. currently, i'm sitting at -150 points, so i envy your nerve.
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