the heart wants what it wants...
a good friend of mine recently asked if you should wait for someone you love, but who is--whether by choice or circumstance-- unavailable or should you go after the one you may not like as much but who is ever-present. though not one of the mentioned options, i choose neither!
i am currently in love with someone who is by choice AND circumstance unavailable. and there are a couple of people who are willing to walk by my side if i just give them some indication that i am willing to allow them to do so. that is NOT what i want, however. so it is with much childish stubbornness that i, like yvonne elliman before me, declare, "if i can't have you, i don't want nobody, baby!" my heart wants what it wants...and it is really just that simple.
i would never do anything drastic to ensure that "certain someone's" choices and circumstances change to make room for me in his life. that's not what i am saying at all. what i mean to say is that, at this point, there is a reason that my heart wants him to the exclusion of all others. and i will honour that. i am not going to waste time with people that i do not want to be with just because i cannot be with the one i want. that does not make sense to me, though it might work for others.
and trust me, i do know (cerebrally and cognitively) that certain someone is not right for me. but until i change what i want (and by extension, what my heart wants) i will not entertain anyone else. i guess the million dollar question is: how do i change what i want?
well, i guess that is in part why i am in fasting today (changed from wednesdays to tuesdays). i hope that through my sacrifice, God will show me what i should want and then transform my heart and renew my mind until i line up with His perfect (not just permissive) will.
until then, my heart will continue to want what, er who, it wants...
i am currently in love with someone who is by choice AND circumstance unavailable. and there are a couple of people who are willing to walk by my side if i just give them some indication that i am willing to allow them to do so. that is NOT what i want, however. so it is with much childish stubbornness that i, like yvonne elliman before me, declare, "if i can't have you, i don't want nobody, baby!" my heart wants what it wants...and it is really just that simple.
i would never do anything drastic to ensure that "certain someone's" choices and circumstances change to make room for me in his life. that's not what i am saying at all. what i mean to say is that, at this point, there is a reason that my heart wants him to the exclusion of all others. and i will honour that. i am not going to waste time with people that i do not want to be with just because i cannot be with the one i want. that does not make sense to me, though it might work for others.
and trust me, i do know (cerebrally and cognitively) that certain someone is not right for me. but until i change what i want (and by extension, what my heart wants) i will not entertain anyone else. i guess the million dollar question is: how do i change what i want?
well, i guess that is in part why i am in fasting today (changed from wednesdays to tuesdays). i hope that through my sacrifice, God will show me what i should want and then transform my heart and renew my mind until i line up with His perfect (not just permissive) will.
until then, my heart will continue to want what, er who, it wants...
posted by Haydn Rhys | 9:52 AM
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