the dobson syndrome
i was in hallmark today and i was looking for a card to buy for my mother. and a lot of the cards that were supposed to be from daughters did not say quite what i wanted to say to my mother. a lot of the cards were about how the daughter wanted to be just like the mother when she grew up or got older or aged (or however you want to word it). i could not buy any of those cards because, truth be told, i do no want to be like my mother.
i know that may sound harsh, but it's true. don't get me wrong. i love my mother. love her to no discernible end, but i do not want to be like her. the majority of the members of my family walk on eggshells around her trying to please her (an impossibility) or at the very least trying to not to piss her off (a sheer certainty). it is hell trying to make sure that you do not do (or fail to do) the one thing that will send her over the edge.
the sad part about it is that while i do not want to be my mother, i already am. i have been told my numerous people that they don't know what is going to set off my mood from day to day. and that i seem to have a jekyll/hyde thing going on. that may be true. and if it is, then it is simply because i am a product of the women in my family.
the dobson syndrome, i call it. that thing that develops from a mutated miserable, irritable gene. what can i do? it's like it's embedded in my DNA to be this way.
so sadly, i do not want to be like my mother. i want to be more patient, more positive, more optimistic, more nurturing...not that she wasn't all of those things, but i want to be more.
does that make me a horrible person? daughter?
i know that may sound harsh, but it's true. don't get me wrong. i love my mother. love her to no discernible end, but i do not want to be like her. the majority of the members of my family walk on eggshells around her trying to please her (an impossibility) or at the very least trying to not to piss her off (a sheer certainty). it is hell trying to make sure that you do not do (or fail to do) the one thing that will send her over the edge.
the sad part about it is that while i do not want to be my mother, i already am. i have been told my numerous people that they don't know what is going to set off my mood from day to day. and that i seem to have a jekyll/hyde thing going on. that may be true. and if it is, then it is simply because i am a product of the women in my family.
the dobson syndrome, i call it. that thing that develops from a mutated miserable, irritable gene. what can i do? it's like it's embedded in my DNA to be this way.
so sadly, i do not want to be like my mother. i want to be more patient, more positive, more optimistic, more nurturing...not that she wasn't all of those things, but i want to be more.
does that make me a horrible person? daughter?
posted by Haydn Rhys | 5:51 PM
3 Comments:
i don't think you're a horrible person because you don't want to be your mother (horrible daughter, humm, maybe ;), but person no).
i think the wonderful thing about how we're created is that we don't have to be what we are. now, it may take a hell of a lotta work to be something else, but you can choose to be more positive, patient, etc., etc., etc.
and every day you wake up, you have another chance to do that.
so, love your mother cherish her, learn from her, try to understand who she is, but don't become her if you don't want to.
make a concerted effort to be who you'd like to be irrespective of DNA.
yes....yes it does
LOL I still love you though... I do think that from generation to generation the women in our family get more laid back...think of it this way...Our...great grand kids might be normal :-D
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