the christian path

i met a woman in law school who told me that i was a christian christian. i laughed at the phrasing, but i don't think i really know what she meant until today.

i fast on wednesdays. it's the least i can do. i take one day and try to be holy during that day and go to God about the things in my life that need to be changed. sometimes fasting ends up being the best thing that i could have done with that day...but sometimes it ends in monumental failure.

this morning i started the day, hoping for success...needing it really. as usual, i began my morning prayers with thankfulness to God for His mercy and favour and then something occurred to me that i needed to pray about.

at first i did NOT want to, but the thought was insistent. almost like not praying about it would plague me for the rest of the day. i did not want that, but on the other hand there wasn't one part of me that really wanted to pray in earnest about the situation.

at that point, i made a decision that the human side of me did not like. i remembered the Word and how we are to die daily...well, a huge part of me died this morning. i prayed about the situation and i prayed sincerely. and most importantly, i feel like God heard and is honouring my prayer request.

what will it mean for me? i don't know. probably a lot of heartache and depressed posts in the near future...but overall, it means that i am a christian christian.

sometimes, we have to make decisions to do or say things that cut completely against our human nature...but that is what the christian path is all about.

take my heart and form it. take my mind transform it. take my will conform it, to Yours...to Yours, oh Lord.